This post is based on a true story and also the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (affiliate link) which is a classic kids storybook and current favorite for bedtime at our house. The interspersed quotes are from the book.

In my last semester of college, I had a good offer from a company I liked that I was poised to accept.  Then Microsoft called and wanted me to fly up for an interview based on an on-campus interview that I had with them.  Being a southern girl with family and a fiance firmly planted in Texas, there was very little reason I would want to move up to Seattle … but still, it was Microsoft. So I arranged to fly out late that Thursday night, after I was done with work and classes, in order to be done in time for my main offer’s acceptance deadline.

“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

I am one of those people who not only does very poorly on little sleep but also does not drink coffee (possibly related?).  So I woke up the morning of the interview running a tad late (typical) and very very tired from having gotten in so late the night before.  It was still dark outside and rainy and I had to drive this monstrous Chevy Suburban (that was all they had and I’d never driven one before) on the slick streets.

After a brief meeting with the HR/recruiting person, they had me go on a coffee meetup with someone from my school.  We went to one of the Starbucks kiosks inside the buildings and (since I don’t do coffee and it was chilly) ordered a hot chocolate.  We chatted and I got about half-way through the hot chocolate before I realized it had a funny taste to it.  Another sip confirmed – I think it had bad milk (or something) in it.  Yuck, and uh oh.

My bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my marble went down the drain, and I had to wear my railroad-train pajamas.  I hate my railroad-train pajamas.

Then we started the actual interviews.  First I got some questions about writing the code to sum up the numbers in an array or something like that.  Then I got this gem: “Let’s say you were tasked with designing parking meters – how would you do it?”.  Of course I know what they are, but I’ve never used them before. Seriously, I live in Texas, we have space enough for parking lots. So, guessing what it would be like to use them … think think.  Uh… well, requiring the use of coins is probably a deal-breaker for many prospective parkers, so I would allow the use of dollar bills… and then I sort of fizzed out after that.

The next day, when I visited Pike’s Point, I saw that the parking meters in Seattle are actually 1 per block (instead of 1 every car or 2 cars) and they accept credit cards and have touch screens.  Never seen that before or realized it could ever be cost-effective.  I even had the thought “accept credit cards?” flit through my mind and figured, no way.  Wow, clearly we were operating from a totally different starting point on what is possible.  So of course then I had a million ideas, but too late.

But then again, that sort of design overkill is exactly what Microsoft is known for, and exactly the kind of over-engineering that I eschew in my development.  Aside from bugs in functionality, I have no issues with the way that parking meters work.  If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.  Microsoft does not agree, apparently.

So then we went to the shoe store to buy some sneakers.  Anthony chose white ones with blue stripes.  Nick chose red ones with white stripes.  I chose blue ones with red stripes but then the shoe man said, We’re all sold out.  They made me buy plain old white ones, but they can’t make me wear them.

Somehow, out of the marketing-esque descriptions on the brochure they handed me 2 minutes before my on-campus interview, I had selected that I wanted to be a “Program Manager”.  During each of my 5 interviews, the person would explain that a program manager is someone who does not really write code, but rather encourages the engineer who writes code to do it well, but has no real power at all.  They all emphasized this.  This ability to influence the engineer to make something  that the customer would want and to do it on a reasonable schedule, but have no real ability to affect change at all.

They would state this and then ask, “Does that sound ok?”.  “NO it doesn’t!”  I want to write code.  I don’t want to be an influencer on the coder.  But there I was stuck in a whole day of interviewing for a position I did NOT WANT.  So I said, “Sure, … ” and then followed up with some lame example of how I worked in a team and influenced some positive outcome.  Even I didn’t believe me.

“It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

Around the second interview, my stomach started to grumble.  And then gurgle.  And then gargle.  And then we moved to full on cramping.  That damn hot chocolate.  In the 10 minute break between interviews (that included walking/drive time between buildings) I would run to the bathroom to do unseemly things.  I think my face looked green.  I did not feel good!  But the day just went on like some horrible Microsoft gauntlet of runny poo (sorry).

There were lima beans for dinner and I hate limas.

There was kissing on TV and I hate kissing.

When it was finally over, I felt no (ok, a little) hope but a whole lot of relief.  They had already setup a dinner with two program managers that evening.  They explained that I should definitely go to Pike’s Place because, among other things, the original Starbucks was there (insert feigned excitement).

They took me to a very stuffy restaurant that is one of their “favorites” where the menu is a single page and everything has weird ingredients and I was way underdressed.  The waiters all wore black and white and had towels draped over their arms and I just wanted to sleep.  I was too tired to talk much but I don’t think the program managers noticed.  They were very happy to converse with each other about how great they both were and laugh about people working for companies other than Microsoft.

At some point one of them asked if I liked sushi and I said I did.  Then he commented that they would not touch sushi that was made in Texas.  They thought it was hilarious.

“Some days are like that… Even in Australia.”

So, no I did not get the job.  And no, I don’t think I would make a good “Program Manager”.  And no, I don’t think I fit in Seattle or anyplace where they consider food in entire regions of the country to be laughable.  And in case you’re wondering, the original Starbucks looks like all the other Starbucks except there is a plaque and a longer line.

I accepted my other offer doing actual software development, at the company that took me out to PF Chang’s and again for pool and some drinks, and lived happily ever after.